I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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