if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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