we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
