Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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