I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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