his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
