I am puke
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My pussy is not your playground.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
