you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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