Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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