my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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