I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
