Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
