you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
