like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have feelings that need drinking.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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