babies were throwing up all over the place
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
