All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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