what day is it and did you see me today?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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