You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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