Swine flu. Run for my life!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
