He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it's like iHOP with fire
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
