who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
