My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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