Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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