Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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