I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
