It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
