wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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