So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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