i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
