Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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