hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
