Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
