Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
