Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
