hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sext me about skeletons
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
