I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
