My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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