It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
