as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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