We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
