the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
