i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
