So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
