we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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