I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
