Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
