Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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