Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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