I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
