Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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